The best Christian books to help survive and recover from marital unfaithfulness

After the death of our daughter, shortly after birth, I felt abandoned by God and lost all desire to serve in any form of ministry. This book, above all others that I have read, helped me personally and spiritually to not only move on with my life, face new and challenging adversities, but to return to ministry; a ministry that has drawn in thousands from across the U.S. and from twenty-five foreign countries for a week of intensive counseling.

After 30 years of counseling and 1000s of people in bondage to various sexual behaviors, I take a minority view, and do not believe that addiction, and sexual addiction in particular, is a disease; it is a bondage to sin. This book, I believe helps supports that view. I find in counseling, that when you deal with the sin problem as sin, not just a behavior problem, which is a symptom of sin, lives are radically changed. I could give hundreds of examples, but one that stands out was a sexual predator who seduced 100s of women, but after a radical heart change, his marriage survived and he went on to minister and help others, rather than to continue to use others.

The marriage vows say, “until death do us part.” In our divorce culture, that commitment often doesn’t translate into “happily ever after.” That being the case, we must ask ourselves, is it worth getting married? Before we answer that question, we must first ask, what is the purpose of getting married? It is not primarily about sex! Christopher Ash presents the radical concept that marriage is a union for us to effectively get God’s work done. I have found that in helping couples rebuild a broken marriage, they need this understanding.

What was particular helpful in counseling sexually broken and sinful people, was to understand that therapeutic spirituality doesn’t address the heart, the heart that is deceitful. Jesus clearly states that “For out of the heart come all the evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person” (Matt. 15:19, 20). No other book on marriage defined its purpose for me than this one book

This is one of the best critiques of our postmodern culture that you can find from a writer who can make an analysis from both a theological and historical perspective. He also gives an analysis of the evangelical church and how it has been captured by that culture. David Wells points out that there is a conflict within the church today between the plague of postmodernism and the Christian gospel. We must get this sorted out, and this book not only helped me do that, but helped me guide others in accomplishing that goal. So relevant and valuable was the information in this book, I simply could not put it down until I had read it cover to cover.

I have counseled 100s of pastors from across the U.S. from many different denominations, and more often than not, they were serving in ministry for what they could personally gain. I see that danger as an occupational hazard. The Call gives the clearest definition of what the call of God truly is. I was able to understand that in my own ministry, as Os Guinness states, I have nothing to gain, nothing to prove, and nothing to lose, except to hear from my Lord, “well do, good and faithful servant.” In all service and love of others, this is the motivation I must have, not only as an author and counselor, but as a friend, a parent, and a husband.